Getting real close to our due date, I can tell that both Kim and I are getting more anxious.
First I would like to note that the physical changes are kind of endearing. I don’t mind waddling a bit. I like taking it a bit slower when I get up from bed or the couch. Baby squirms aren’t as crazy (I think the last time I mentioned it being really uncomfortable she was actually rotating and moving her head down, being a good girl listening to mummy and daddy). I might miss this bit of pregnancy, despite its discomforts.
For me in the last week I’ve had little bouts of panic about the birth process. It’s strange because the classes helped, and when I watched birthing videos it helped, and I’ve also tried reading positive birth stories. It doesn’t really make sense but it keeps bubbling up every now and then, the fear about pushing and tearing and intervention. Maybe I should just make peace with the fact that it could be the worst – constant monitoring, ventouse, forceps, tearing, episiotomy and caesar. Ideally I’m hoping for a totally natural birth where baby just slides out without tearing anything on the way but that’s not the most realistic thing to do. I’m not sure if it’s even worth focusing on. The process leading up to it seems so long and the events after (now the baby is here and we are now responsible for her 24/7 – for the rest of our lives – how nutty is that) is probably going to keep us way occupied compared to the fact that my vag just went through some trauma.
Also – really need to cut down on the sugar. Been having a bit too much just because my body seems to be tolerating it a little bit better than when not pregnant.
Ahhh bad sleep hygiene this weekend throwing off my schedule. Hope tomorrow is better. Should go for a walk and do some breathing exercises.
We had our 36 week scan and she’s looking pretty darn cute. I hope she’s normal and healthy – and that we are both safe when she arrives in this world. I hope that Kim and I will be good parents for her too. Promise to take the very best care of this little one.